Sometimes parenthood is tough| Mrs. AOK, A Work In Progress| Parenthood|Raising a Tween

Mark My Words.

Sunday, I said, “I know I will have to teach them more things that are hard, but that’s okay, that is what I’m here for. #Parenthood.”  So, less than 48 hours later, I had to eat my words.  I had to teach my daughter, 12, that sometimes the world isn’t so pretty.  Not that she hasn’t heard or seen things, but this type of situation has never been in our face.  We have always tried to move into the “good neighborhoods” the neighborhoods that are barley touched by crime, and  we were usually able to shield her from bad news.

Sometimes parenthood is tough| Mrs. AOK, A Work In Progress| Parenthood|Raising a Tween

She is getting older, things are getting harder to hide, and we live in small-town USA.  My daughter is currently conditioning with the high school softball team, she is not on the team, but she may be one day, we will see.  (That is neither here nor there.)  My point is she is around older kids from the high school and they will talk, but then again the kids in her own school will talk.  So, instead of what my husband and I have done for so many years, we told her what happened on Sunday night.

I found out Monday morning, that our quiet little beach town ‘burb was not free of violence and stupidity.  Okay, I already knew it was not free of the latter, but this really was stupid, and sad, and sickening. And WTF.  I’m trying to find words, because it is just terribly hard as a mother to fathom.                                                               Another young life was taken too soon, and sadly it came from the hands of another young life. Two 16 year old boys got into a fight and sadly a family lost one of them.

My husband and I sat down and talked with our almost teenager to tell her what went on, and why (well.. from what the news reported).  She was in pure shock, she could not comprehend why, nor can I.   Today, she came home and told me the kids and teachers at school talked about the incident.  As much as it pained us {my husband and I} to tell her about the situation, I’m glad we did.  We were able to have an open conversation, we were able to let her know once again that NOTHING is too big for us to talk about, come to us.  I feel like our conversations are growing in the depth and as much as sometimes I enjoy that…. there are times I just want to talk Dora again.

Mrs. AOK, A Work In Progress: Me and my girls 3


© 2015, Dean @Mrs. AOK, A Work In Progress. All rights reserved.

40 thoughts on “Mark My Words.”

  1. That’s so awesome that you all were able to talk to your daughter, and that she felt comfortable enough to come to you all. If its one thing I can say about my parents is that they always kept it real, and told us about the “real” world that was outside of golden ‘burbs gates. I’m so thankful they did, especially since we live in the metro area, still the suburbs, but close to the city, so crazy still happen and sometimes too close for comfort. I get overwhelmed on the daily thinking about my son (and future) kids growing up in this crazy world, but all my husband & I (and our families) can do is our best to steer the kiddies in the best direction possible and give them a realistic view of the world. I’m not even ready! I know it going to take even more than that, its going to take guidance and direction from God.

    1. That is wonderful that you parents talked to you about everything. My parents kind of talked to me about things, but you really couldn’t keep much away from anyone in a military town.
      Living in Chicagoland, we did have to touch on things I did not want to, but had to. We’ve talked to my daughter about some tough things through the years: political divide, religious divide, inequality, divorce (not us but others), school shooting, racism, suicide, and now this. This for some reason stung differently, maybe because it meant telling her that her peers have the ability to murder. That hurts me to type. Babies shouldn’t do that, no one should.
      I know you and your husband will do wonderfully!
      All the best~

  2. Sometimes I just want Eve to stay little forever so I can shield her from the world. Oy, what a thing for those families to have to go through, and what a difficult conversation to have as a parent. It sounded like you and your husband handled it really well and made it really comfortable for your daughter to talk to you. Unfortunately bad things happen in all places, as much as we hope they won’t. Big hugs, mama!

    1. If only we could save “Time In a Bottle”. Have you heard that song? Or the Taylor Swift song “Never Grow Up” that’s how I feel all the time….
      I feel terribly sad for those families, I kept thinking about them yesterday.
      I think we handled it well, it wasn’t our first time tackling a tough topic, but like I told Tenns above, it stung. I think it stung differently because it was a violent act from the hands of child, and I knew she may have known the family.
      I’ll take those hugs, Bev, thanks!

  3. That’s so sad and senseless that a family has to lose their child. It’s even more horrible that it was at the hands of another teen. I’m dreading the days that my daughter hits those pre-teen years. Everything changes and you understand that the world isn’t as happy as you thought. We live in a supposed “good” school district but I know for a fact that it’s plagued with drug problems. It has been since I went to high school there. It’s scary and I wish I could shield my daughter from it all but she has to grow up and learn. I think it’s wonderful that both you and your husband sat your daughter down and talked to her. Kids need that open communication. I hope to have this with my daughter too. You’re a good mama!

    1. Thank you, Karen. The tween years crept up on me waaaaay too fast, and now I’m on the heels of teen-hood. It is hard to tell your kids these types of things especially when you would love them to live in this magical world where everyone loved and showed not a smidge of hate. Sadly, not our reality, but I’m thankful we “can” talk about it. I hope we can always talk about things… openly.
      I’m sorry to hear about the drug situation in your school district, even the “good” places are plagued with harsh reality…
      Wishing you all the best~

  4. Sadly we have over the last couple of years and in the last two months had to have this conversation with both my 17 and 12 y/o. The last one was the saddest. Our 6th grader goes to the school where an 8th grader took his own life last month. It was devastating for the whole school, she didn’t know hime personally but the hurt for the whole school was very evident.

    My other daughter has had to deal with this three times in her high school life, and that has been horrid too. We are still dealing with it, it comes and goes…..

    Talking and being open is the best thing to do 🙂



    1. That is horrible, Ray. I’m sorry your babies had to endure that, terribly sad. My heart goes to those families, a parent should never have to go through that. I feel like tween/teen suicide is increasing, and that to me is so disheartening.
      All the best~

    1. Very tough, and I’m glad we can talk about things. However, it would be nice if things were all sunshine and lollipops.

  5. That’s really sad that it came to one of the boys being killed. I hate it that violence has been normalized in our society. I try to shield my kids from violence as much as I can. I know I can’t shelter them forever, but I’ll do my best while they are young. I’m glad you guys were able to talk to your daughter first before she went to school.

    1. Wouldn’t it be lovely if we could put our kids in a bubble? I feel so terribly sorry for the family.
      You are right, violence seems to be normalized. I am not sure if the repercussions of these violent acts are as spotlighted, perhaps people would reconsider their actions.

  6. Good for you! I’m glad you were proactive in the situation. I’m in the ‘burbs and I swear the parents are less involved in their kids’ lives and really don’t give a damn what their kids see/hear/feel. It’s so sad what a selfish and reckless world we live in. On a bright note, yay for your daughter! That’s so awesome that she’s conditioning with the high school girls. You must me one proud mama! xoxo

    1. I hate to see parents being absent, it’s sad, we only have so much time with our babies. I guess that’s why I hold so much guilt when I’m not doing something with the babies, it’s because I know these days with the babies are numbered.

      Yes, I’m very happy and proud of her. I’m also kind of scared because she will be around older girls. However, I’m always going to support her.

  7. We are done with Dora and Batman, too. My 8yo asked me about 50 Shades of Grey since everyone was talking about it on the morning news and I told her a little bit. Just a little. She turned to me and said, “Mom I’m 8! Stop right there!” Sigh.

    Good for you for keeping the lines of communication open. That’ll be so valuable starting, oh, now!!

    1. YIKES!- 50 Shades of Grey, yup, if my mom started to talk about it I would cover my ears and la la la! However, it is so important to show our babies that we are there for them to answer their questions, even when it’s terribly hard.
      All the best~

  8. Sometimes, we wish we could shield them forever, but unfortunately we can’t. I am glad that you and your husband sat down and talked to her about it. You prepared her for it. Mentally and emotionally and that is another way that you can protect her. By preparing her.

    1. Wouldn’t it be lovely if their were shields readily available in every store or when your baby was born…. I know wishful thinking. The life lessons seem to come waaaaay earlier than you would expect when you first bring your child into the world.
      As much as it pains me to divulge to the children that our world isn’t perfect, I’m glad I can speak with them on an eye-to-eye level. I use to hate when my parents kept me in the dark or waved off my concerns.

  9. Oh boy – that is so tough. I’m glad you were able to talk to her first so she’d hear it from you before school. It’s just so hard.
    We talk a lot of Dora (or Sofia the First) here and I rather enjoy it. It’s easy.

    1. I want to talk Sofia the First too, but I am very thankful for our new conversations, just not really this one. I wish I didn’t have to share this with my daughter, because I wish it never happened. I do so enjoy our book conversations, world conversations, and politics. I adore seeing the little person she is becoming, although it is bittersweet.

  10. I hear that it’s physically exhausting to have babies and toddlers, whereas as they get older it’s more emotionally exhausting. That’s a tough convo to have with your daughter and I’m so sorry to hear about the tragedy in your small town.

    1. Yes, and yes, it’s true — what you heard. It happens waaay too fast, you’re explaining things you didn’t think you would have to until years later 🙁 . Nonetheless, I am enjoying this time, it’s different, but good.

  11. With the growing up years come a lot of laughs and a building of the foundations for the friendship that will take place when they’re adults. But there are also those hard conversations. I remember one of my kids asking what abortion was while we were in the car once. Answering exposed the younger kids to an unpleasant reality sooner than I would have liked, but I felt it was best to be open and truthful–just like you chose to be.

    1. That is a tough conversation to have with the children, but one that is best to come from you versus finding out some other way. These talks are tough but needed, I guess we should be thankful our children can come to us.
      All the best~

  12. It’s so sad that in today’s society, our kids have to shed their innocence a lot when it comes to having to deal with situations like this a lot sooner than we did. Yes, there were cases of teen on teen violence, but nothing to extent that it is today. As young as Moo is, I’ve had to sit down and talk her about issues that I thought we’d at least wait until she was in junior high to discuss.

    Kudos to you guys for stepping in and preparing her by discussing the issue beforehand. My heart and prayers go out to the families of both teenagers because they’ve both loss their children to violence- one died and one is off to pay for his crime.

    1. It’s terribly saddening for both families indeed. I cannot even fathom what both those families are going through, and here I am whining about “talking” to my daughter.
      I feel like because we are such a connected world with the news and social media we’re hearing about things that perhaps we wouldn’t have before, which also means so are our children. I plan to keep my babies off of SM as long as possible, as well as speak with them always, even when it is tough.

  13. I was in a rush for Dino to get the next stage each time…now I don’t want him to grow and get older. There is so much dangers and evil out there…I want to protect him all the time…it;s scary.

    1. It is. And it doesn’t matter how much people tell us time flies, you just don’t realize it until it flies by in front of you. I swear I was just rocking my almost 13 year-old daughter in my arms, and today I’m telling her about things I wish she never had to hear. I wish there was a slow down button.

  14. Wow. Those moments. The ones where we can’t cover your child in our ever resilient Momma shield. Those are the moments that make this whole parenting thing a bit harder than we may have expected. I had to have a similar conversation with my oldest daught (oldest but still only 7) when she over heard the news Hubby was listening too (I swear she has bat hearing) and started asking the Whys. It wasn’t something I wanted to do…she want’s ready and neither was I but just like you and your husband it was needed and I was glad that I could be her first influence in a bad situation. Kudos to you Mom! You are a parent and you are parenting well…

    1. Thank you, Tiffany. It’s hard, you don’t want to lift the magic of their childhood innocence, but you have to keep things… real. I knew I wouldn’t be able to put them in bubble forever, but I never knew how soon things would have to be talked about. We’ve had some pretty serious conversations with the kids all three of them, the youngest being 6, and it makes me sad, but I’m glad I can do so.
      You’re doing good job as well, mama!

  15. Parenting really is hard for sure. I think it’s especially true due to the society in which we live in now. I can’t believe how often kids are killing kids now. It may have happened in the past too, but we didn’t have the ability to hear about it as much. It breaks my heart every time I hear about an incident like this one.

    1. Me too, Crystal. It’s terribly sad to hear about these sorts of unnecessary acts. I agree due to a plethora news outlets and social media, we are connected, we know more now than we ever did before. Sadly, I just never thought it would be this close to home.

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