I Just Have To {Domestic Violence}

Abuse is not an option. Let go and move on..jpg

Okay, this post was NOT a planned post, instead this is a post of passion, so forgive me for my hastiness and possible adult language.  I’m furious. You may be tired of hearing about the Ray & Janay Rice’s situation, but we NEED to talk about it.  Domestic violence is unacceptable… period!  I’m a huge football fan, this is not a football issue, this is a people issue.  Why not discuss us?

These are the comments that are driving me crazy:

“She hit him first.” Okay, maybe she did “hit” him first, looks more like a swipe not a full out TKO.  Yes, she should NOT have put her hands on him, but Janay Rice is nowhere near Rice’s weight class, the WBO would not even think to put the two in a ring together.  Morally, I do not understand where Rice thought it was okay to hit his fiancee and the mother of his child.  Let’s put this in perspective, shall we…

Mom swipes dads arm, well she swatted at Dad, “Go on dad knock her ass out!” <–Is this what you’re saying?  Insert daughter, sister, or cousin, does this change your perception?


“He didn’t knock her out, it was the elevator rail.”  You’re right! What were we thinking… stupid elevator, let’s all go on about our day.

“She forgave him, so should you. Move on.”  Exactly, let’s just let that one go, shall we?  Let’s forget that violence is unacceptable, and that there is a little girl who could possibly see  more than us.  Who cares?  You should care, again this is a people issue! The problem here is that we don’t talk about it, and we’re not educating our children the way to love correctly.  If we keep sweeping these types of incidents under the rug, we will only see history repeat itself.


However, it was Janay Rice’s statement that hit a nerve with me: 

“I woke up this morning feeling like I had a horrible nightmare, feeling like I’m mourning the death of my closest friend. But to have to accept the fact that it’s reality is a nightmare in itself. No one knows the pain that (the) media & unwanted options from the public has caused my family. To make us relive a moment in our lives that we regret every day is a horrible thing. To take something away from the man I love that he has worked his ass of for all his life just to gain ratings is horrific.

“THIS IS OUR LIFE! What don’t you all get. If your intentions were to hurt us, embarrass us, make us feel alone, take all happiness away, you’ve succeeded on so many levels. Just know we will continue to grow & show the world what real love is! Ravensnation we love you!”


This makes me sad.  All I can hear in this statement… “But he loves me.”  Janay, people are talking because they care.  Well, I think the majority of people are talking because they care.  Many of us have known someone who was abused emotionally or physically, those scars do not leave, and sometimes… the innocent bystanders take on the biggest scars.  In NO way should you be embarrassed, you didn’t knock yourself out. I hope for you and your family’s sake things are better, and the two of you can make marriage work and be happy, truly happy.  You don’t want our opinions I get it, but many women and men didn’t want people’s opinions, and unfortunately unlike yourself, they are unable to post their thoughts on Instagram.  Instead, holding out to work things out was their demise sometimes by their aggressor and sometimes by their own handling.  I want to remain optimistic that things can work out but you see, I’ve seen things, and I know how that sometimes ends.

There is NO chivalry in a person who hits their spouse, drags her, and then taps her with his foot when she’s down, I’m just not sure this guy has conquered all of his demons….


© 2014, Dean @Mrs. AOK, A Work In Progress. All rights reserved.

12 thoughts on “I Just Have To {Domestic Violence}”

  1. It saddened me to read his wife’s statement this morning. I feel for her as a victim but she’s sending such a terrible message to all the young people following this story. Well, not just young people but everyone. Don’t sit there and blame the media. HE did this to you, not TMZ. It’s so disheartening for her to have this response. Really? It’s not ok, it’s never ok. He needs help and so does she. So sad.

    1. Karen… I wish she would’ve thought that statement out, I don’t know, truly reached in her soul, those words are a facade, not real, just hidden pain. Sometimes, silence is golden, only if you’re creating an escape route to something wiser.
      I hope the two of them both receive the help they both need.
      They have a daughter, for her sake they have to right their wrongs and set a better example.
      XOXO ♡

    1. I couldn’t agree more, Tricia. I actually got a tweet directed at me from a Ray Rice supporter, that said something like, our opinions don’t matter and this is mob justice..?… :O
      I guess, right is right and wrong is wrong. I never said anything about his suspension, because that’s not my worry, my worry is for his wife and child.
      I’m not saying he would do anything to his child, I’m saying a turbulent home is not a good home for a child.
      I hope they both receive the help they need.

  2. I feel bad for her that she can’t see that she is in an unhealthy relationship. I can not imagine being with someone who could be so callous. He hit her like he was fighting another guy. Then he didn’t even seem concerned when she lost consciousness. I hope she gets some help and learns to love herself more than him because I can only imagine how he will feel towards her after losing his NFL career.

    1. I know Sonya, wasn’t he terribly uncompassionate?!? I couldn’t believe when he tapped her with his toe, wtf! Someone said, “This obviously was his first offensive. Why would she come at him if it wasn’t?”
      Seriously! Maybe it was, but if it was, why on earth did he not seem compassionate at all… or look scared like he made a HUGE mistake? Plus hit her before he punched her. NO ONE EVER DESERVES THAT. I’m getting hot all over again.
      I truly help the two of them both get help, especially for their precious baby girl.

  3. Ugh, that statement is SO sad. And so misguided. It’s sad how damaging it is. I don’t even know the story but I’m hoping they’re not still married? Although it looks like I might be wrong about them.
    Hope they all get help. There are no excuses. Just none.

    1. Sadly, yes, they are still married. Actually they weren’t married with the altercation happened. Yes, she married him after he knocked her out cold and showed no remorse.
      I hope they both receive the help the obviously need. All I can think about is their daughter….
      It’s an ugly cycle, someone HAS to break it…

  4. Her statement drives me bananas –and breaks my heart at the same time. Right before she took a girly swipe at him, I swear you can see him spit in her face. To me, that’s just as bad as that left hook.

    I couldn’t help but imagine one of my girls being the one in that elevator. The image shakes me to my core.

    1. I cannot, for the life of me, understand why people cannot see what’s wrong with what happened. O_o Some guy on Twitter tweeted me telling me, “Our opinions don’t matter and this is mob justice.” What the heck! I don’t care about his football career, I’m talking about domestic abuse, son.
      This is an issue. It needs to fixed. If we do not fix it, it may happen again. Simple.
      I agree the thought of this happening to my girls or any other girl for that matter makes me angry.
      XO ♥

  5. Aw lady… I totally understand your frustration. For me, it was really sad when we got the news that the NFL was finally firing him just because the video came out. And lo and behold more and more we see that the NFL did really know about the video, they just didn’t handle it the way they are handling it now. What’s even worse was today when I saw them talk about how the NFL is actually the only league with something concrete on paper for consequences for players who are convicted or are acting out domestic violence. That’s just crazy, but it honestly just echoes loud and clear the pass that society gives sports professionals over the rest of the world. I honestly have no particular comment as to the specifics to the couple’s situation because the obvious for me would be to tell her to leave him and perhaps ask the question why did she even marry him, but then I know that not every situation is the same. Most people think that certain offenses warrant a break up or a divorce, but sometimes, even if most of us haven’t seen a situation get any better, people actually can and do work things out. Because she did decide to marry him and they are still together, I hope that her staying doesn’t backfire and that they can continue on together with no more incidents like this. That’s me trying to stay positive and hope for the best. 🙂

  6. I don’t understand how she thinks it’s okay for ANYONE to treat her this way? I wonder if it she’s a product of how she was raised? If I was her mother/sister/friend I would grab her and run. It is NEVER okay for anyone to hit or abuse another person. I pray she will be safe now that he no longer has a career in the NFL. xo

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